Friday, May 31, 2013

Mile 6 - YOUR FIRST FIVE PAGES
A tip a day to keep the rejections away

Welcome to my marathon of writing tips—one tip a day to make you a better writer.

 

What are my qualifications?  For several years, I’ve written the Pet Vet column for the Post Bulletin newspaper.  I’ve had articles published in RunMinnesota, DVM360 journal, and The Wagazine.  I’m in a wonderful critique group that meets weekly to tell me everything I’ve done wrong.

 

Save yourself some time by learning from my mistakes.

 

Abbreviations as follows:

MS = manuscript

CP = critique partner

WIP = work in progress

POV = point of view

 

MILE SIX =  YOUR FIRST FIVE PAGES

 

The first five pages of your MS are critical.  Get used to seeing them, because you’ll be rewriting them a lot.  But don’t get too attached.  The first page, even the first 250 words, can be tricky.  In a few paragraphs, you need to establish the MC’s voice, set the tone, and introduce the main conflict.  You’ve either got to hook the reader (or agent) by then, or they won’t turn the page. 

 

In time, you may discover that you’ve started your book several scenes too early, or a little too late.  Writing, rewriting, and asking others for feedback are the only ways to improve.

 

First, submit your first few pages to your critique group and ask the following questions:  “Do you like it?  Are you hooked?  Do you want to read more?”  Use their feedback to revise and resubmit over and over again, until they’ve seen your first page so many times they’re friggin’ sick of it.  :.)

 

Then email the first few pages of your book to your non-writing friends (but choose ones who actually like to read).  Ask them the same questions.  Tell them to be honest.  Then incorporate their feedback.

 

After this, you can enter on-line contests and workshops, and ask complete strangers what they think of your intro.  I highly recommend Adventures in YA Publishing’s “First Five Pages Workshop”:  http://firstfivepagesworkshop.blogspot.com/p/workshop-rules.html?m=0, but keep in mind it’s only for YA literature.

 

The down side of asking so many people what they think is the difficulty in dealing with conflicting opinions.  The more people you ask, the more likely they won’t agree with each other.  Such is life. 

 

Don’t forget to check your resources.  Yank all your favorite books off the shelves and peruse their first five pages.  What drew you in?  Use what you learn to emulate, not duplicate.


Keep working, and don’t lose hope.  You WILL eventually perfect your first five pages, but it may take time (and about 500 revisions) to get there.

 

Good luck!

See you tomorrow for Mile Seven!

 

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Mile 5 - TRICKY WORDS
A tip a day to keep the rejections away

Welcome to my marathon of writing tips—one tip a day to make you a better writer.

 

What are my qualifications? For several years, I’ve written the Pet Vet column for the Post Bulletin newspaper. I’ve had articles published in RunMinnesota, DVM360 journal, and The Wagazine. I’m in a wonderful critique group that meets weekly to tell me everything I’ve done wrong.

 

Save yourself some time by learning from my mistakes.

 

Abbreviations as follows:

MS = manuscript

CP = critique partner

WIP = work in progress

 

 

MILE FIVE = TRICKY WORDS

 

These words are really not that confusing, if you pause to think them over. But sometimes we’re writing way too fast to pay close attention. When editing, watch out for the following:

 

1) alright vs. all right

- One of my CPs has a favorite saying: “alright is not all right”.

- Get it? “All right” is the correct spelling.

 

2) OK/okay/O.K./Okay

- Everybody sure seems to have a different opinion on this one. Some say all four are fine. Others find only the first two acceptable.

- To be safe, I’d recommend only using “OK” or “okay”, and then stay consistent throughout your MS.

 

3) your/you’re

- “Your” is possessive:  “That is your booger-brained brother.”

- “You’re” means “you are”:  “You’re a booger-brain.”

- Try your best to keep them straight. I find these two misused everywhere—magazines, newspapers, and WIPs.

 

4) their/they’re/there -

- “their” is possessive:  “That is their problem.”

- “they’re” means “they are”:  “They’re the problem.”

- “there” is a location or place:  “Over there lies the problem.”

 

5) whose/who’s -

- “whose” is possessive:  “Whose awesome car is that?”

- “who’s” means “who is”:  "Who’s going to drive that awesome car?"

 

6) its/it’s -

- “its” is possessive:  “That dog likes its bone.”

- “it’s” means “it is”:  “It’s a nice dog.”

 

7) t-shirt/tee shirt/T-shirt/tee-shirt -

- Although T-shirt and t-shirt are the most commonly accepted spellings, if you look long and hard enough you can find people who accept any of these options.

- To be safe, I’d recommend using T-shirt or t-shirt, and then remain consistent throughout your MS.

 

8) affect/effect -

- “Affect” is a verb meaning to influence.

- Used as a noun, “effect” means the end result. Used as a verb, “effect” means to bring about.

 

9) than/then -

- "than" compares items, things, or people:  “High school friends are better than grade school friends.”

- "then" denotes time:  “Once you get to high school, then you have fun.”

 

10) two/too/to -

- “two” is a number: “I’ll have two scoops of ice cream.”

- “too” means “also” or “excessive”: “I want to eat ice cream, too.” or “I ate too much ice cream.”

- “to” is used for everything else, basically: “I went to the ice cream shop.”

 

11) who/which/that -

- use “who” to refer to a person

- use “that” to refer to things or a group of people

- use “which” to refer to things

 

12) I’ll link this group together -

- “supposed to” NOT “suppose to”

- “used to” NOT “use to”

- “toward” NOT “towards”

- “anyway” NOT “anyways”

- Although I avoid writing “anyways”, I’m very naughty about using it when I speak. While I’m at it, I’ll also confess to using the terms “totally awesome” and “gag me with a spoon” on special occasions.


 

13) desert/dessert -

- A very long time ago (when cavemen dragged cavewomen around by their hair until they discovered the Pixie hairstyle and started kicking butt), I attended grade school with a wise English teacher.

- She explained the difference between these two words in a way I’ll never forget: “Deserts are hot and horrible. Desserts are tasty and wonderful. Desserts has two s’s in it because everyone wants seconds of birthday cake, and no one wants seconds of crossing a desert.”

 

14) all together/altogether -

- “all together” groups people or things together: “We went to the movie all together as a group.

- “altogether” means “entirely”: I am altogether pleased with the recent superhero movies. Robert Downey, Jr. is the bomb.  For example...

 


See what I mean?
Once you're done ogling, it's back to our regular scheduled programming...only one more to go!

 

15) Accept/except-

- “accept” means “to receive”: “I accepted the package.”

- “except” means “to exclude”: “I want everything except that package.”

 

 

 

And, finally, an example I found highly amusing:

 

Use “all walks of life” not “all WOKS of life” when you’re not talking about oriental cooking.

 

See you tomorrow for Mile 6!



 

 

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Mile 4 - PRESENT/PAST TENSE CONSISTENCY
A tip a day to keep the rejections away

Welcome to my marathon of writing tips—one tip a day to make you a better writer.

 

What are my qualifications?  For several years, I’ve written the Pet Vet column for the Post Bulletin newspaper.  I’ve had articles published in RunMinnesota, DVM360 journal, and The Wagazine.  I’m in a wonderful critique group that meets weekly to tell me everything I’ve done wrong.

 

Save yourself some time by learning from my mistakes.

 

Abbreviations as follows:

MS = manuscript

CP = critique partner

WIP = work in progress

 

MILE FOUR = PAST/PRESENT TENSE CONSISTENCY



I tend to see the most past/present confusion when the real issue is whether a sentence within a paragraph should really be an internal thought.

 

Here’s an example:

Pretending to put books in her locker, she glanced down the hall and sighed.  He’s just so cute, but he doesn’t even know I’m alive.  Or if he does, he doesn’t care.

 

Past tense = glanced

Present tense = he’s, doesn’t, does

 

A mix of present and past tenses is awkward and confusing.
(Yikes!  See what I mean?  And if you haven't seen this movie, then WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING WITH YOUR LIFE???)

 

My proposed solution:

Pretending to put books in her locker, she glanced down the hall and sighed.  He’s just so cute, but he doesn’t even know I’m alive.  Or if he does, he doesn’t care.

 

Putting the MC’s active thoughts in italics avoids tense confusion.  For those writers who despise using italics for whatever reason (perhaps you wish to always remain in third person), then be consistent with your tenses.

 

Final example:

Pretending to put books in her locker, she glanced down the hall and sighed.  He was just so cute, but he didn’t even know she was alive.  Or if he did, he didn’t care.

 

Either way, it takes careful line editing to catch and resolve tense inconsistencies.  CPs will help you with this.  (See, you need them for everything!)

 

That’s it for today—short and sweet—like me when I’m well fed.

But watch out when I’m hungry!





See you tomorrow for Mile 5!

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Mile 3 - CRITIQUE PARTNERS
A tip a day to keep the rejections away

Let’s call this a marathon…of words.  I’m going to post one writing tip a day to help you become a better writer.  Some of them you may already know.  It all depends on how far along you are as a writer. 

 

What are my qualifications?  For several years, I’ve written the monthly Pet Vet column for the Post Bulletin newspaper.  I’ve had articles published in RunMinnesota, DVM360 journal, and The Wagazine.  I’m in a wonderful critique group that meets weekly to tell me everything I’ve done wrong.

 

Save yourself some time by learning from my mistakes.

 

Abbreviations are as follows:

MS = manuscript

CP = critique partner

WIP = work in progress

 

MILE THREE = CRITIQUE PARTNERS

 

My last blog alluded to today’s topic:  GOOD CRITIQUE PARTNERS ARE WORTH THEIR WEIGHT IN GOLD—NO, MAKE THAT PLUTONIUM.  (Now, I’m not foolish enough to ask what my CPs weigh, but I know I don’t have that kind of money.)

 

Don’t write in a vacuum—as in, all by yourself, with only yourself to edit, and only your opinions on what works and what doesn’t in your book.  (Unless you’re Steven King or something, and—heck, doesn’t he at least ask his wife what she thinks?)
 

jack nicholson the shining photo: Jack Nicholson shining.jpg


 
After you've finally written the last word on the last page of your first novel, you may feel both drained and relieved. "Thank goodness that's over! That took forever!" Sad to say, the "real work" has only just begun. Yes, you've accomplished a lot. Most people only say they want to write a book and never do. But you're nowhere near done.

 

Have you ever heard the phrase: "Most of writing is actually rewriting"? Rewriting refers to revision. Get ready to revise your MS over and over again. Editing is a slow, tedious process and you'll need assistance along the way.

 

Enter your new best friends, your critique partners (CPs).


Critique partners are people who you meet on a regular basis (weekly or monthly) who read your material (say 3,000 to 5,000 words at a time, whatever works) and make CONSTRUCTIVE comments on it. 

 

Someone who says, “This chapter sucks!  I didn’t even read it!” is not a good critique partner.  They need to offer specific examples.  Is the dialogue wooden?  Is the character whiny?  Is the plot full of holes?  They might even suggest how to fix the problem, but don’t expect them to do your writing for you. 

 

Find partners who want to help both themselves and others.  You want people who know what they’re talking about when they give you advice.  They should be honest, but never rude when what you’ve written really isn’t working. 

 

Sometimes it’s hard to find such great folks.  I’m blessed with a critique group and several people “on the side”.  (Oh dear, now as I write this, I feel like I’m “cheating” on my regular critique group.  Oh, the guilt.)

 

Where does one find such great people?  Well, seek and ye shall find.  I started with a monthly writer’s group at the local library and branched out from there. 

 

My “on the side” CPs are good friends or family members.  One is my eternal cheerleader.  (Trust me, some days I really need her.)  I’m blessed to know some really good editors, both professional and hobby.  Sometimes I just need a fresh pair of eyes on a WIP because my CP group has already seen it a million times. 

 

Since I write both veterinary and non-veterinary articles, I need people knowledgeable about veterinary care to ask, “Did I miss anything in this article?”  But I also need laypeople to make sure I stay grounded.  I want to reach out to people, not talk over their heads. 

 

Some people don’t use family members in case they won’t be honest because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.  However, my family has always been MORE than willing to stab each other with verbal knives.  (Haha.  Kidding.  Sort of.)  I’m lucky enough to have a wonderful, brilliant, gorgeous cousin (You know who you are.  And if you don’t, I’ll give you a hint—we’re having lunch on Thursday.) who has even proven to be a highly desirable Beta reader for the other members of my writing group.

 

I have no experience with this, but some writers found their CPs on-line through writing contests, workshops, or blogs.

 

What CPs will do for you:



1)      Identify repeat words. 
 

For example, my CP might say: 

“Ann, you really like the word ‘butthead’. 

There are 12 ‘buttheads’ in this chapter.
 

To resolve this issue, do a word search.  See what you really need, then change or omit the rest. 

 

2)      Read your WIP piecemeal to resolve the nitpicky issues with the MS

-          sentence structure

-          chapter endings

-          realistic dialogue

-          past/present tense inconsistency issues

-          plot holes

-          and much, much, MUCH more!

 

3)      Prepare your MS for Beta readers.
 

Save Beta readers for when your work is polished, so that they can focus on overall plot and character arcs, not editorial errors.

 

 

That’s it—your quickie tip for the day!  Don’t worry if this blog left you with more questions than answers.  I plan to discuss chapter endings, realistic dialogue, past/present inconsistencies and much more later.  Remember, we have 22.2 miles to go in this writing marathon!

 
See you tomorrow for Mile 4!

Monday, May 27, 2013

Mile 2 - DIALOGUE TAGS
A tip a day to keep the rejections away

Let’s call this a marathon…of words.  I’m going to post one writing tip a day to help you become a better writer.  Some of them you may already know.  It all depends on how far along you are as a writer. 

 

What are my qualifications?  For several years, I’ve written the monthly Pet Vet column for the Post Bulletin newspaper.  I’ve had articles published in RunMinnesota, DVM360 journal, and The Wagazine.  I’m in a wonderful critique group that meets weekly to tell me everything I’ve done wrong.

 

Save yourself some time by learning from my mistakes.

 

Abbreviations are as follows:

MS = manuscript

CP = critique partner

WIP = work in progress

 

MILE TWO = DIALOGUE TAGS

 

I’ve got three rules to discuss concerning dialogue tags.  This is based on reading, editing, and deep meditation on the subject. 

 

First—it’s all about LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION.

Don’t wait until the very end of a long paragraph of dialogue to tell me who is speaking.  Don’t make me (the reader) wonder, wait, or skip ahead to find out.  Put the dialogue tag right at the very first logical break (where you would insert a comma or a period).

 

For example:

“I love the way your hair blows in the wind, the way your eyes sparkle in the moonlight, the way your perfume does an excellent job of covering up the smell of your farts.  We never should’ve had beans for dinner, but I love you anyway,” crooned Fabio.

 fabio photo: fabio fabio.jpg

Now you know why I don’t write romance novels.

 

Here’s the revision:

“I love the way your hair blows in the wind,” crooned Fabio, “the way your eyes sparkle in the moonlight…”

 

Second dialogue reminder:  GIVE ME A DIALOGUE TAG OR A PHYSICAL CUE, BUT DON’T BOTHER ME WITH BOTH

 

Another classy example:

“Supper was awesome,” Ernie said as he burped.

 

And the suggested revision:

“Supper was awesome.”  Ernie burped.

 

The next rule is simple, yet complicated:  THE KEY TO DIALOGUE TAGS IS NOT TOO MANY…AND NOT TOO FEW.

Add enough that the reader always knows who is talking, but not so many that it slows the flow.  But I can’t give you a proper example for this.  Good critique partners (CPs) will point this out to you.

 

That’s it—your quickie tip for the day!
See you tomorrow for Mile 3!

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Mile 1 - WAS/WERE
A tip a day to keep rejections away

Let’s call this a marathon…of words.  I’m going to post one writing tip a day to help you become a better writer.  Some of them you may already know.  It all depends on how far along you are as a writer. 

 

What are my qualifications?  For several years, I’ve written the monthly Pet Vet column for the Post Bulletin newspaper.  I’ve had articles published in RunMinnesota, DVM360 journal, and The Wagazine.  I’m in a wonderful critique group that meets weekly to tell me everything I’ve done wrong.

 

Save yourself some time by learning from my mistakes.

 

Abbreviations are as follows:

MS = manuscript

CP = critique partner

WIP = work in progress

 

MILE ONE = WAS/WERE


Perhaps you think everyone should know this “rule” by now.  But they don’t.  Or else they do, but it crops up in their MS anyway, like dandelions in the spring.

 

Here’s the rule: 

AVOID THE WORD “WAS” AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE 

SAME THING WITH “WERE”. 

 

Yes, there’s a fancier way to say this, but I wasn’t an English major in college.  (Biology major/Math minor—in case you wish to make fun of me, please do it properly.)  So don’t worry.  I won’t talk on and on about passive verbs.  I’ll make this quick before your eyes glaze over from boredom.

 

Speaking of boredom, “passive” is really just another word for “boring”.

“Active” is more “wham, bam, thank-you ma’am”.

 

Perhaps that offends you…but at least now I’ve got your attention.

 

Let’s start again…at the very beginning.

A very good place to start. 
 
sound of music photo:  som-maria-captain-dancing-spinning-gif-2_zps8f04ba5a.gif
(If you suddenly hear Maria VonTrapp in your head, then perhaps you love The Sound of Music movie as much as I do.  Please sing the rest with me!)

When you write you begin with was, were verbs.

When you edit you begin to hack and slash…“was” and “-ing”…add action verbs.

 

 

Here’s a (boring passive) example:

I watched as the kids were playing in the street.

This violates two “rules” at the same time—overuse of a dreaded “-ing” AND the boring “was”.

 

In the example above, replace “were playing” with “played”:

I watched as the kids played in the street.

 

That’s better, but to be even more active and descriptive, try this:

I watched as the kids threw footballs in the street.

 

Big problem, easy solution

How to fix your “was/were” predicament quickly and efficiently?  Do a search of your MS for the word “were” (for my version of Microsoft Word, I hit “Control” then “f” and a word search pops up).  Plug in “were” and discover just how many times you use it (as a crutch) in each chapter, each page, or (gasp, horrors) each paragraph.  After you find it a billion times, make the necessary changes.

 

When you’re done, then do the same thing with “was”.   (BTW, this word search is so helpful.  I use it all the time for everything—to find overused words, or even just my place in the book if I need to find something quick.  I love it, love it, love it.  Make it your friend, and it will serve you well.)

 

 

 

That’s it—your quickie tip for the day!
See you tomorrow for Mile 2!

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

MY FIRST FIVE PAGES...




Confession:  I am a complete sucker for animals.  These pictures are totally unrelated to this blog entry, except for the fact that Daisy (the puppy in the picture) helps me type by snoozing by my feet.  Looking at this picture forces me to realize that Daisy now looks more like Maggie (the older dog in the picture, who is sadly no longer with us) than she does the pup.


A BIG THANK YOU TO
THE FIRST FIVE PAGES WORKSHOP
AND THE MENTOR, S.T. UNDERDAHL
AND, LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST, MARTINA AT ADVENTURES IN YA PUBLISHING...

This month I entered a workshop (http://firstfivepagesworkshop.blogspot.com/) to polish the first five pages of my Young Adult book via a weekly feedback and revision process.  Here are the results:


DESIDERATA 


Prologue – To Find the Perfect Girl
 
Wesley’s hands trembled as solutions in glass flasks percolated.  Yellow, orange, and green fluids coursed through tubing and collected in glass beakers. 
 
Please be a match.
 
The collected samples of hair from the prince and the maiden in question curled together in a small cauldron upon the tripod.  Wesley carefully added the distilled concoctions, turned up the flame underneath, then stepped back.
 
The cauldron steamed in the sweltering laboratory.  As the experiment rose to a boil, Wesley’s heart raced.  His unruly hair fell into his eyes.  He swiped the damp strands away before extinguishing the flame.  He watched the solution cool as sweat ran down his neck.
 
Please be red.  Put an end to this.      
 
The fluid continued to bubble for a long while, turning from purple to pink to...
 
 It’s going to be red!  She’s the one!  I am saved!
 
With a loud belch, the solution curdled and turned black.  And stayed that way.
 
Wesley dropped his head in his hands. 
 
I better warn that sweet girl before Duncan gets a hold of her.
 

 Chapter One – The Prince Needs a Wife
 
Maria heard the front door slam.  Her nap interrupted, she rubbed her eyes and glanced around the tranquil family library.  Her younger sister Anna leaned over their father’s shoulder as he sat in his favorite stuffed chair.  Anna’s finger trailed a great river across the map which lay open on his massive wooden desk.
 
Maria yawned and stretched, then picked up the book she’d dropped next to her in the window seat.  She peered outside, hoping to avoid her mother’s constant criticisms:  “Maria—sit up straight and fix your hair!” or “Maria—tighten your corset before Lady Peafowl tells everyone you’ve gained weight!”
 
She tensed as footfalls approached the library door.  Oh no, here she comes…
 
A few seconds later, Mother Leon burst into the library.  “Oh, my dears—I have such news for you!”
 
Maria sat up.  “What is it, Mother?”
 
“The prince is coming!” Mother Leon announced.
 
Here?”  Maria eyed the cluttered bookshelves, worn furniture, and faded tapestries.  The prince had been touring Desiderata for the last two years in search of a suitable wife, but Maria had never thought he would come to their home.
 
Mother Leon sighed.  “No, of course not, dear.  He’s been invited to the Pekipsies’ estate for their annual Summer Festival.”
 
Father Leon glanced up from his large book of maps.  “They’re the only family around here with enough gold to impress royalty.  Your mother almost married into the Pekipsie family.  Did you girls know that?”
 
Mother Leon shook her head.  “No need to dig into the past, dear.  I’m more concerned about the girls’ future.”  She turned to her daughters with a gleam in her eyes.  “Anna’s fifteen, the perfect age to be presented!  And, Maria…”  Mother Leon narrowed her eyes.  “Maria, step forward, please.” 
 
She left the window seat and stood before her mother, trying her best to hide a stain in the back of her dress from where she’d sat in the damp grass earlier that morning.
 
“What happened to your dress?” Mother Leon shrilled.  “You’re more careless now than you were as a child, I swear!”
 
Maria’s cheeks burned as her mother dismissed her and turned to evaluate Anna, who somehow always looked perfect.
 
“Anna, my dear, your golden hair glows like the sun and your waist is smaller than mine was at your age.”  Mother Leon circled her youngest daughter like a cat.  “Let’s see what we can do to make you look your best at the Festival.”
 
Anna turned frightened eyes towards her older sister.  “Help me,” she mouthed.
 
***
           
An hour later, Maria followed her parents’ angry voices down the hallway and paused outside their bedroom door to listen.
 
“We’re not in the poor house yet,” Mother Leon pleaded.  “We still have our pride.  This is Anna’s chance at a royal marriage!”
 
“Where do you think we’ll end up, if you spend the last of our borrowed gold on gowns for the girls?” Father Leon grumbled.
 
“Then we will only get a new gown for Anna.  If she marries Prince Bane, it will put an end to all of our troubles.”
 
Maria hurried down the hall.  She burst into her bedroom, slammed the door shut, and fought back tears.  Bright afternoon sunlight fell through the window and caught on the vanity mirror.  Maria gazed at her reflection.  A tall girl, almost a woman, with long auburn hair and intelligent blue eyes stared back. 
 
She watched herself swipe at the smudge of dirt on her cheek, the leaf stuck in her hair, and the scrape on her elbow.  Then Maria frowned and moved away from the vanity.  As she passed by the window, she noticed Anna working in the garden. 
 
***
 
Blue skies cheered Maria’s spirits as she hurried outside, but one glance at her sister’s face told her she didn’t feel the same.  “Anna, are you okay?  You look like you’re about to cry.”
 
“Maria…”  Anna took a shuddering breath.  “I don’t want to go to the Summer Festival.”
 
“Why not?  It was loads of fun last year.”
 
Anna shrugged.  “For you, maybe.  But there’s so many people there, all staring at me, and waiting for me to say something clever…but I never know what to say to them.”
 
“Then stick by me, and I’ll be clever enough for both of us.”  Maria winked.
 
Anna attempted a weak smile, but faltered.  “Besides…I don’t like the way Mother looks at me, like I’m the fattened pig about to be slaughtered.”
 
Maria chuckled.  “It’s better than the way she looks at me—like I’m the spider she forgot to kill before important company came over.”
 
“That’s not true!  Mother loves us both the same!”
 
“If you say so.  Now move over—you over-trimmed that arbor vitae.”
 
“No, I didn’t.”  Anna shook her head.  “The deer got in here again.”
 
Maria sighed.  “We’ve gotta fix that gate.  Come on and give me a hand.  Or two.” 
 
Both girls grappled with the broken gate.  Finally, after much sweating and swearing (both on Maria’s part, Anna did nothing of the sort), Maria gave the gate a final heft and slid the bolt back into place.
 
Maria grinned.  “That’ll keep those thieving buggars out!”
 
“They’re just hungry—you know how that feels.”
 
“I don’t care.  They have to find their meals somewhere else.  We’ll be the ones to starve if they don’t.”  Maria swatted at the newest dirty spot on her gown, smearing it even worse than before.
 
“Look at you!” Anna gasped.  “You’ve ruined another dress!  Mother will have a fit!”
 
“Don’t I know it!  Oh, bother, there’s no point.”  Maria stopped fussing with her dress and moved over to examine the sparse arbor vitae.  She closed her eyes, breathed deeply, and brushed her open hands slowly back and forth across the branches.  Soon, fresh greenery filled up the gaps.
 
“Be careful, Maria.”  Anna glanced around.  “What if someone sees you?”
 
“Who would see me?  There’s no one out here but us.”
 
“I hope you’re right.  You know what they say about us in town.”
 
Maria snorted.  “You worry too much, Anna.  What could they possibly say?  That it’s a pity to see a noble family reduced to selling berries to get by?  That it must be magic we can grow anything in here with our fence in shambles and a broken gate?”
 
Anna smiled.  “At least that much is true.”
 
“You know what they really say about us, Anna?  Nothing.  No one even notices us anymore.  That’s what comes from being poor.  Now come on, we should fix that hole in the fence, too.”           
 

Monday, May 13, 2013

MISCARRIAGE, THE TABOO SUBJECT NO ONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT




Growing up the only child of two middle-aged teachers, I made myself three promises:

1)      I would never have an only child.


2)      I would never take my kids to Abraham Lincoln’s log cabin museum and pretend it was a fun, child-friendly vacation.


3)      If my hair turned white before my kids finished grade school, I would dye it so no one called me their grandma.


I got married in my thirties.  With infertility in my family and endometriosis surgery in my past, my husband and I had already discussed adoption.  Ironically, we got pregnant two months after our wedding.  For the next nine months, I was constantly nauseous, fell asleep anytime I sat down, and retained every water molecule in the atmosphere.  I learned that epidurals are blessed things, sitting comfortably after giving birth takes six months, and baby boys can projectile poop and pee far across the room long before you’ve had a chance to slap another diaper on them. 

That was my easy pregnancy.


A few years later, we got pregnant again.  Since the first one went well, I told everyone I knew—why not?  I was almost 8 weeks along and everyone kept asking when we’d have another kid, anyway. 


I soon discovered the reason to wait out the first trimester.


That reason started one Saturday night.  I noticed blood in my underwear when I went to the bathroom.  There wasn’t much and I didn’t have any cramping.  I called the hospital and was told nothing could be done.  I should just rest and come in early next week for my already-scheduled first baby appointment.


So I waited in fear.  This can’t be good.  At the appointment, I sweated through the hour-long nurse’s video, handout, and information session.  At the very end, she asked if I had any concerns. 


I did. “I think my baby’s dead.”


In record time, I found myself alone with my obstetrician.  She wasted no time in ultrasounding my uterus.


There was no heartbeat. 


To ensure that I wasn’t just earlier along than I thought (so the heartbeat wouldn’t be detectable yet), I needed my hCG level checked.  I blindly wandered into the waiting room, wishing my husband were with me.


A female voice called my name through the buzzing in my ears.  I shuffled forward to have blood drawn. The phlebotomist looked me in the eye, said she was sorry, then told me she and her husband had been trying for years to have a baby.  When she finally got pregnant, she lost it after three months.  They were still trying.  She wished me the best.

I thought of my healthy son at home.  I have no right to be sad about this.  I already have one child.  There are others worse off than me.

My hCG levels came back.  I had miscarried.  I had three choices:  miscarry naturally, have some hormone thingy stuck in my vagina to speed the process, or have a D & C. I decided to go the natural route, so I could do this in private.  I’m sure I was given information, but was too distracted to listen.

My son might be an only child.  Just like me.  I promised myself this wouldn’t happen.  But it will be okay.  Everything will be fine.

But it really wasn’t.  The natural route goes on and on.  I should have paid attention when they were trying to explain this, but at the time I couldn’t bring myself to focus, and the thought of bawling uncontrollably while either of the other two options were performed was appalling.  I sat on the couch, clutching a hot water bottle against the pain of my shedding uterus.  It was the endless period from hell.


Instead of calling my family and friends, I sent out a mass email to inform them about the miscarriage.  I couldn’t even bear to talk to my closest friends.  I tried so hard not to cry, and hearing their ‘I’m sorry’ would only make things worse.


After sending the email, many women revealed their own secret heartbreaks to me.  I had no idea they had gone through this.  Miscarriage seems a taboo subject, leaving the victim in isolation.  Some women celebrated the would-be birthday each year.  Others just tried to forget about it.  No one gave unsolicited advice, for which I was grateful.  They just shared their pain with me.


But my mother-in-law’s experience turned out to be my salvation.  She had a miscarriage right before her son (my husband) was conceived.  If not for that miscarriage, he wouldn’t have been born.  So I had to be grateful for that—for someone else’s sadness which led to my eventual happiness.


When the bleeding finally stopped, things got better, at first.  But then my hormones surged back out of control.  I felt even more pregnant than before.  Nausea, nausea, nausea.  Bloat, bloat, bloat.  What the hell was going on?

Curious, I took a pregnancy test. 

Positive.

I called the doctor:  “Is this a new pregnancy, or just the same old dead one?”

Doctor:  “A new one.  Let’s check your hCG levels again.”

Results:  Low.  Another miscarriage?

I’ll go insane if I keep getting pregnant and losing baby after baby.

The bleeding was much heavier than before.  I couldn’t get out of bed, and shook with fever.  Afraid I had a uterine infection, I went into the ER.  The staff was supportive, but I ended up feeling like a hysterical idiot.  The truth was that I was still recovering from the initial miscarriage, there had been no second pregnancy, and I had the flu.  Who knew the second period would be worse than the first?  Not I! 

The kind doctor instructed me to abstain from trying to get pregnant until after my next period.  “Give your body a chance to rest.”

No problem.  I can follow directions.  Yes.  Usually.  Most of the time.

But this time around, my compliance rate was only 99%. The other 1% has blonde hair, blue eyes, and wants to grow up to be a princess.

We were lucky.  We “accidentally” got pregnant again during the time period we were trying not to.  Despite my fears, I didn’t lose this one.  My son never has to play alone.  The two of them terrorize the dogs, leave toys all over the floor, and scream incessantly every time I get on the phone.

It’s perfect.

But this doesn’t always happen.  My heart goes out to all those still trying.  I wish for them the same happy ending. 

- Ann M. Noser